Friday, January 29, 2010

School and my anxious thoughts part 1

Education for my boys must be heavy on my mind and heart because I have had a series of nightmares of school, Beginning with flashbacks of bus rides to terrible experiences in the classroom. Yesterday I woke up so upset because I was back in Mr. Bryant's homeroom classroom. In August of 1999 I walked into the first day of school and the beginning of the end for my education. I had paper, pens, a bag. But I needed a number two pencil. None of my classmates had an extra so I asked the teacher, gulp, Mr. Bryant for one. He then proceeded to berate me in front of the whole class and litterally shunned me. Sadly he was also my english teacher. This man hated me from go. One day he pulled me out of class and told me he didn't want to see me for a week. We had to write a research paper for his class. He allowed everyone to use the same paper in the popular psyche class. While I got an A+ 100 on it in my psyche class, I got a F on it in my english class. After a few+ events my mom, a counselor, he and I had a conference. I had to sit there while he LIED to my mom and the counselor. Thus making me the culprit.
I could go on and on about the things he said and did. He played with my mind. This is the same man that other people would rave about. But they were blind. Blind to this mans hate and evil tendicies. My parents actually had a neighbor that went through the same awful things with their daughter.
How did I respond to this man? I shut down. I couldn't function. I would show up to class and have no idea that we were having a test. I don't know if he purposely didn't tell me but I wouldn't have been prepared anyway. I didn't even read the questions. I would put answer C here and B there. I wanted out of there everyday. It was living hell for me. But I couldn't let him see it. Not on my face. I couldn't let him see that he defeated me. I couldn't believe it when report card time came and he passed me. Barely. I would get one point above a F everytime. He had power and he knew how to play it. Barf.
So I write these little memories so you can have insight into my mind. My experiences. It is my life. I made all the choices. But these circumstances affected me. Big time.

1 comment:

Priscilla said...

Your kiddos are already being homeschooled by their mommy!Why change anything?